Mario Kart Wii is a game for gamers who hate themselves. It is a pathologically cruel experience where skill and competence are punished and regular enjoyment can only be found in being rewarded for sub-par play. Hopes... dreams... all will be culled by Mario Kart's remorseless and gaping maw.
It will start with a whisper. An excellent performance on your first two laps around one of Mario Kart Wii's 32 tracks will see your titular karter far out in the lead, but the all-knowing eye is already upon you. The blue shell will slice through the air and collide with you in mid-jump over a crevasse. You will be plucked, disoriented, from the depths and deposited back onto the track, only to hear your Remote wail loudly as the first of three consecutive red shells catches up to you. With your triple-banana defense neutralized by the blue shell's assault, the pummeling will be merciless.
The first racer to catch up will blow you off the course proper as he soars from 12th to 1st place as an enormous bullet. Now marooned in the deep grass at the side of the road, your slow attempt to recover will be stymied by a star-user cutting a corner and a giant-mushroom-user out for blood. Before you know what happens, you're in 11th place. You may snag a triple-mushroom and hold onto it for mere seconds before the 12th place racer uses a lightning bolt to rob you of your only chance to survive—barreling over your now-miniature form as a final insult.
I don't paint a pretty picture here, but while Mario Kart Wii's lows are low indeed, the highs are similarly intense. A gamer will oscillate wildly between fury and joy as the crap-shoot that is item-based racing doles out its unique brand of street justice. The tracks themselves run the gamut from passable to exhilarating, with some truly inspired designs appearing in the later cups. For as many times as you may feel like ending the lives of all those within a radial mile of your TV, there is great satisfaction to be found in drifting into a jump that propels you wildly between obstacles and well ahead of the competition.
That said, not everything has to always be so intense. For those who prefer to sidestep the emotional roller coaster that is the traditional grand prix, Mario Kart's time trial options are surprisingly robust. Ghosts—translucent apparitions that tirelessly echo a recorded race—are the emphasis here, and they are produced every time you achieve a new high score on a track. While attempting to best the grim specter of your past achievement is fun in its own right, the highlight here is being able to race ghosts from all manner of diverse sources—most notably, the Internet.
Nintendo seems to have finally gotten this online thing right—or at least... right-er. I'll spare you all the gory details and focus on my favorite part: the rankings. Disembodied Mii heads from around the globe all congregate to approximate the time-trial bell curve for any particular track. You can actually download ghosts of the regional and world record holders, and you can even access a ghost of an anonymous individual that's just a tiny bit faster than you, to give you something to compete with constructively. There's a friend-exclusive ranking screen for each track as well, where ghosts can be sent to rivals to gloat over successes.
But what about the wheel? That's right, Mario Kart Wii comes packed with a Zapper-esque plastic shell that you stick the Remote into to approximate a baby-sized steering wheel, and I haven't played the game even once without it. There seem to be camps that fear the Wheel, clinging desperately to their traditional controllers, and I suppose I can understand their sentiment. It's undeniable that you lose a degree of speed and precision when using the wheel for the first time. Alternating between drift directions is a mere flick of a stick on a normal controller, but it's a wild and significant motion when using the motion controls—one that can often be misinterpreted by the game due to timing issues more hard-wired into the gamer than the hardware. It would take significant practice for a gamer adept at traditional controllers to become equally competent with the wheel.
That right there is the sticking point, really. Some people want to put in the effort, and some people don't. Personally, I wish Nintendo hadn't offered traditional controls as an option whatsoever, as the current gulf in performance between wheel and non-wheel users wouldn't have to exist. There's something to be said both for leveling the playing ground and for believing in the mechanics you build a game around. The wheel isn't objectively worse than normal controls, it's merely got a high learning curve for entrenched gamers. I think it's well worth the time required, as it creates a much more visceral and enjoyable experience. The wheel abstracts interface manipulation back into requiring physical skill, not just mental, which is an avenue I think certain varieties of video gaming can definitely benefit from.
(Here's a hint for those struggling with the wheel: try switching your drift mode from manual to automatic. You lose all your mini-turbos, but you gain what's basically the ability to power slide. Your improved ability to drive perfect lines and hug corners often completely offsets the lack of mini-turbos, especially if you use a bike and compensate with wheelies.)
With or without the wheel, though, Mario Kart Wii will try your patience repeatedly. Thankfully for every minute you spend trying to twist the wheel in half (excellent build quality by the way—doesn't even creak!), you'll spend another having a fantastic time. One's ability to enjoy the overall experience is directly proportionate to their tolerance for masochism. It's a tremendously well made Mario Kart in all regards; just be aware of all that that entails.
It will start with a whisper. An excellent performance on your first two laps around one of Mario Kart Wii's 32 tracks will see your titular karter far out in the lead, but the all-knowing eye is already upon you. The blue shell will slice through the air and collide with you in mid-jump over a crevasse. You will be plucked, disoriented, from the depths and deposited back onto the track, only to hear your Remote wail loudly as the first of three consecutive red shells catches up to you. With your triple-banana defense neutralized by the blue shell's assault, the pummeling will be merciless.
The first racer to catch up will blow you off the course proper as he soars from 12th to 1st place as an enormous bullet. Now marooned in the deep grass at the side of the road, your slow attempt to recover will be stymied by a star-user cutting a corner and a giant-mushroom-user out for blood. Before you know what happens, you're in 11th place. You may snag a triple-mushroom and hold onto it for mere seconds before the 12th place racer uses a lightning bolt to rob you of your only chance to survive—barreling over your now-miniature form as a final insult.
I don't paint a pretty picture here, but while Mario Kart Wii's lows are low indeed, the highs are similarly intense. A gamer will oscillate wildly between fury and joy as the crap-shoot that is item-based racing doles out its unique brand of street justice. The tracks themselves run the gamut from passable to exhilarating, with some truly inspired designs appearing in the later cups. For as many times as you may feel like ending the lives of all those within a radial mile of your TV, there is great satisfaction to be found in drifting into a jump that propels you wildly between obstacles and well ahead of the competition.
That said, not everything has to always be so intense. For those who prefer to sidestep the emotional roller coaster that is the traditional grand prix, Mario Kart's time trial options are surprisingly robust. Ghosts—translucent apparitions that tirelessly echo a recorded race—are the emphasis here, and they are produced every time you achieve a new high score on a track. While attempting to best the grim specter of your past achievement is fun in its own right, the highlight here is being able to race ghosts from all manner of diverse sources—most notably, the Internet.
Nintendo seems to have finally gotten this online thing right—or at least... right-er. I'll spare you all the gory details and focus on my favorite part: the rankings. Disembodied Mii heads from around the globe all congregate to approximate the time-trial bell curve for any particular track. You can actually download ghosts of the regional and world record holders, and you can even access a ghost of an anonymous individual that's just a tiny bit faster than you, to give you something to compete with constructively. There's a friend-exclusive ranking screen for each track as well, where ghosts can be sent to rivals to gloat over successes.
But what about the wheel? That's right, Mario Kart Wii comes packed with a Zapper-esque plastic shell that you stick the Remote into to approximate a baby-sized steering wheel, and I haven't played the game even once without it. There seem to be camps that fear the Wheel, clinging desperately to their traditional controllers, and I suppose I can understand their sentiment. It's undeniable that you lose a degree of speed and precision when using the wheel for the first time. Alternating between drift directions is a mere flick of a stick on a normal controller, but it's a wild and significant motion when using the motion controls—one that can often be misinterpreted by the game due to timing issues more hard-wired into the gamer than the hardware. It would take significant practice for a gamer adept at traditional controllers to become equally competent with the wheel.
That right there is the sticking point, really. Some people want to put in the effort, and some people don't. Personally, I wish Nintendo hadn't offered traditional controls as an option whatsoever, as the current gulf in performance between wheel and non-wheel users wouldn't have to exist. There's something to be said both for leveling the playing ground and for believing in the mechanics you build a game around. The wheel isn't objectively worse than normal controls, it's merely got a high learning curve for entrenched gamers. I think it's well worth the time required, as it creates a much more visceral and enjoyable experience. The wheel abstracts interface manipulation back into requiring physical skill, not just mental, which is an avenue I think certain varieties of video gaming can definitely benefit from.
(Here's a hint for those struggling with the wheel: try switching your drift mode from manual to automatic. You lose all your mini-turbos, but you gain what's basically the ability to power slide. Your improved ability to drive perfect lines and hug corners often completely offsets the lack of mini-turbos, especially if you use a bike and compensate with wheelies.)
With or without the wheel, though, Mario Kart Wii will try your patience repeatedly. Thankfully for every minute you spend trying to twist the wheel in half (excellent build quality by the way—doesn't even creak!), you'll spend another having a fantastic time. One's ability to enjoy the overall experience is directly proportionate to their tolerance for masochism. It's a tremendously well made Mario Kart in all regards; just be aware of all that that entails.