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| Volume 1, Issue 1 |
20 October 2004 |
AL KOOPA TERRORISTS STRIKE!
 Hundreds are shortened after a fierce shell attack at a crowded Mushroom Kingdom mall this afternoon.
In a statement posted on their website, the Al-Koopa terrorist network claimed responsibility for the strike, citing that the innocent shoppers were "infidels," and that "shopping for various suits and power-ups to destroy the Koopa race [was] despicable."
This is the third such attack in as many levels, coming just off the heels of the recent Mushroom Kingdom occupation of the Koopa Kingdom made possible by the rapid, record time defeat of King Koopa at the hands of Mario, which many critics claim left many enemies undefeated.
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Feature Story
SONY COUNTERS NINTENDO INNOVATION WITH SIMILAR INNOVATION OF ITS OWN
At a large gaming summit held this morning, Sony officially an- nounced the PSP QS, or QuintiScreen, a highly anticipated revision of its unreleased PSP handheld.
The PSP QS promises to one up Nintendo's DS handheld by offering not two, but five screens guaranteed not only to enhance gameplay, but to enrich life.
"We are positioning ourselves to be two and a half times better with this latest product," said Sony President Kunitake Ando.
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Feature Story
ARAN LOBBIES BOUNTY HUNTER UNION FOR EQUAL ACCESS
Decorated Bounty Hunter and frequent saver of the galaxy Samus Aran today submitted a bill to the Hunters Union that would extend membership eligibility to women and what she proposed could be classified as "friendly Metroids."
The Bounty Hunters Union, a centuries old institution insuring fair contracts and providing retirement plans for its members, has traditionally only accepted human males into its ranks.
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Feature Story
SAM'S CLUB EDITION OF SUPER MARIO SUNSHINE TOO LARGE FOR GAMECUBE
Many Sam's Club patrons expressed shock and dismay recently over the newly released Sam's Club edition of popular GameCube title "Super Mario Sunshine."
Measuring nearly sixty inches in diameter and a massive five inches thick, the disc that comes in the modified game packaging is slightly larger than the GameCube's three-inch-wide disc drive will allow.
"I just thought the huge box and ridiculous weight were for show," said shopper Tammy Wilson. "Did they really expect anyone to be able to play this? I'm starting to think there's not even a game on there at all."
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News Bits
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REVOLUTION DETAILS SPINNING UP
Sources close to designers of Nintendo's new "Revolution" con- sole have let slip an interesting bit of news on the system's potential design.
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NINTENDO TARGETS NEW DEMOGRAPHIC WITH NEXT MARIO TITLE
Not long after revealing their "Super Mario 64 DS" title for the new DS handheld, Nintendo has announced that the next Game- Cube Mario title is going to appeal to an older, more mature demo- graphic.
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SEVERAL PIKMIN DEAD AFTER VICIOUS ATTACK IN GARDEN
Several Pikmin were found dead this afternoon following an appar- ent onslaught of rage by their creator, Shigeru Miyamoto.
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POPULAR ACCLAIM TITLE DENIED HONORS
An Acclaim representative today commented on Nintendo's recent denial of "Player's Choice" status to the Acclaim title "BMX XXX."
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20 October 2004 Edition
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