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  1. The Wii was Nintendo's way of saying "nope" to the presumed rules of the gaming industry. While its competitors screamed ahead in the power race, Nintendo sat on its hands, and decided it wanted to play a different game. And hey, it worked out for them pretty well, if you're the sort who gives two shits about sales numbers. But analysts, enthusiasts, and fatheads throughout the world refused to accept it. "Nope, they're doin' it wrong, why've they gotta be so stupid." And now we're seeing it again with the Wii U. Over time the players in this industry have concocted a set of rules that...
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  2. Well, another year has ended, and another winding-down Nintendo console has passed the baton to its successor. The Wii U, Nintendo's new generation console, is now the focus for fans—and something for me to anticipate as I save up to buy my own. As I go forth into 2013, I find myself taking a look back on my way forward, and reflecting on my own past experiences with the Wii. The Wii was the first console I ever stood in a launch day line for. T'was a cold November morning in 2006. A light, sporadic drizzle added to the misery of around a hundred people standing outside Best Buy....
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  3. Dear reader, It's getting to be about that time of year. All of us have something to do or somewhere to go, whether it's in front of the TV or down the street, or thousands of miles away. Bein's how we're just a few people who run this site, it's probably best for us to take a little break while we all do our thing. So, startin' now we on vacation. Check back after the New Year for another year of articles, some more crude jokes about kissing fresh babies, plenty of Mouth-On impressions of chalky inedible garbage, angry, disheveled rants about points of minor consequence, and maybe even...
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  4. When I was younger I almost never got new games. I had to luck out at the video store with weekend rentals, and I had the Hot Knowledge of Nintendo Tape Magazine to assist me in picks—though with the slim rental choices it more often than not came down to looking at box art. You and I both know that before you put a game on that Christmas list you had to have made damned sure it was an A+++ winner cause you were gonna have to play the hell out of it for the next year. It also just so happens that the years during which I was at the really great Christmas present age were also some...
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  5. Maybe it's cause of the kind of person I am—and I'm not saying I am necessarily a whimpering, masochistic weakling who craves being witness to the expert display of the skills and talents of others—but I have always kind of been entranced by storytellers. People who create works for others to experience. But also maybe expert tour-guides? Sketch artists? People with plans, masters of their crafts, no matter how small they are. Sometimes there's this guy down the row who hand-grinds coffee, I just freeze in my seat and listen to it and I feel kinda chills or something, I love it. People stamping...
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  6. You know those fancy buttons underneath the left and right sticks on the PlayStation 3 that are called R3 and L3? They don't actually have any names on the Wii U. The in-game documentation via prompts in Nintendo Land and Ninja Gaiden just say "Hold R" with a picture of a stick that has two little arrows above it. I think this is similar to what the 360 does maybe? This shot's from the Internet browser, which has pictures that show the little "press in" arrow. Ninja Gaiden 3 uses a similar graphic. Notably, Nintendo Land never actually shows a picture with an arrow, just says "Press (picture...
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  7. Not long after setting up my Miiverse information for the first time, I decided it was time to spruce up the decor a little bit by jazzin' out my profile message. While I was fond of the original "Do, Re, Egon" greeting, it was time to push the envelope a little bit. With the assistance of my favorite linguistic website, I pieced together a polite and affable greeting I'd be happy to show you, your girlfriend, or your grandmother's girlfriend: "He knew I couldn't wait to consume the battered roadkill off his veiny quim prod." I figured the relatively obsfucated nature of the literary stylings...
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  8. Fire up your copy of New Super Mario Bros. U and you'll see it right there on the title screen, next to the prompt imploring you to PUSH 2 TO START even if you are using the normal actual controller that game with the Wii U, on which there is no "2" anywhere. Version 1.1.0, it says! Did you know that other games also include these version numbers prominently? In Nintendo Land, all you have to do is go to the main menu, then click options. You can see it there at the bottom, 1.1.0. Even my downloaded copy of Ninja Gaiden 3: Razor's Edge contains a version number, this one also at the...
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  9. Sorta!!! While I can't reasonably see myself ever using the Wii U GamePad's TV remote functionality to actually switch inputs or change channels as Nintendo's promotional materials are fond of romanticizing—my Harmony remote manages my devices in a fashion the GamePad is just literally incapable of emulating—I would be lying if I said the idea of changing the volume of my speakers from my controller didn't tickle me in my down-there area. Alas, I use an A/V receiver to manage my myriad inputs, and while you can set up the Wii U to control both a television and a cable box, receivers...
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  10. As I went to output a couple mugshots from the Wii U Mii Maker for.... various uses... I was STUNNED!!!! to find that not only was my dumb old face notably higher res, but it featured some astonishing new elements. Check out that fuckin' beard! The power of polygons, bros and broettes. Got some sophisticated armpit rendering in there too, and a decidedly upgraded and proprietary hair-lighting engine to go with my freshly inked black frames. They've also seen fit to reduce my ghostly pallor just a shade—perhaps there is more natural light in the Wii U version of the Mii Maker. But HEY what's...
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